Anjelica Marie

I’ve been twisting and turning in a space that’s too smallI’ve been drawing the...

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 07:35:00 -0400

I’ve been twisting and turning in a space that’s too small
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall
You’ve been closing me in, closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do
It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

The pieces don’t fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that’s breaking my skin
Well I’ll hide all the bruises; I’ll hide all the damage that’s done
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do
It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore
The pieces don’t fit anymore

Oh, don’t misunderstand how I feel
Cause I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried
Still I don’t know why
No I don’t know why

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 03:49:00 -0400

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.

“When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you’ll be successful.”

Sun, 13 May 2012 02:40:02 -0400

“Sometimes I don’t know what I really want. But when I do know what I want, I go after it.

I feel like everyone operates the same way. If you want something bad enough, you’ll work hard enough to get it. You’ll do whatever it takes to get there, and to keep whatever it is you were going after.

So maybe next time you find yourself starting and stopping something and not being able to commit, you should reevaluate how important that goal or thing is for you to attain.

We cannot progress if we are holding ourselves back. If you’ve started on a diet and just stopped a million times, maybe you should think about why you made your goal. Is it because you yourself really wanted to lose weight, or is it because you thought it was obligatory to please someone else? If you’ve started a training regime and failed to stick with it, is it because you really do want to get stronger and move faster, or is it because you joined the gym since it was the sensible thing at the time? If you’ve ever pursued a job and then given up saying that you’d never get it, is it because you honestly could not get the job, or because you didn’t want to go through the time and effort it would take to land it?

You can’t want something bad enough and then give up on it. If you do then you didn’t want it enough to achieve it.

When I ask my clients how willing they are to commit to the training routine I am putting them through, most of them will tell me that they’re really ready and that they will do the work. They’re ready to make a change and buckle down – completely focused with their eyes on the prize.

But then they refuse to watch their diet. They don’t get enough sleep. They cancel training sessions, and rearrange their schedule so that they can work more, go out to the club, or stay at home to read.

If you want to transform your body you MAKE time to get to the gym. You fight off excuses. You figure out how to get your hour or two in, regardless of how tight your schedule is. You make the effort to stick to your diet. You go the extra step…whatever it takes to get there.

So no more of this “I’m trying” bullshit. You’re not. You’re half-assing your efforts and lying to yourself if you are not giving your all into every endeavor you pursue. Whether that’s for your health, social life, working life, whatever. If you want something bad enough, time and effort won’t be an issue. You’re set on getting what you want, and that’s what makes the difference.

Don’t make a habit out of quitting. If you’re not going to bed every night with confidence that you have done everything you could do to move forward for that day, then you don’t really want what you’re going after.”

This is just what I needed.

7/5

Mon, 07 May 2012 03:51:00 -0400

I’ve grown into such a bitter person over the course of these past few months. I blamed all possible avenue of my life which could possibly strip me from the happiness that is no longer flowing through my veins and in the end I was still left with an empty feeling in my chest. I mean how is it humanely possible to be so miserable when you’ve got the world eating out of the palm of your hand? But today it really hit me. As I flipped back and fourth between my history assignment and Facebook, I scanned through the profile of a girl I once went to school with. She’s currently attending my preferred university and had just updated an album which contained her work. And I feverishly clicked through the portraits, illustrations, paintings and began to cry. And I mean really fucking cried. I didn’t hold some stalker-like emotional attachment to this girl, infact I don’t even really know her. But the emptiness that dwelled inside of me became overwhelming and I was no longer oblivious to its source. I re-opened my history essay and stared at the blank word document, having not been able to piece together a paragraph in over 7 hours and there splashed across the screen was the answer to my affliction. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I torturing myself week after week by starving myself of artistic freedom? Why am I paying 30,000 to receive qualifications for a job I absolutely loathe? I need to get out of here. I need to find myself again before I find myself working a 9-5 job I really fucking hate in order to pay the rent. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay.

I hit the intersections where your shoulders meet your neck, passing through the car wrecks of...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 07:04:09 -0400

I hit the intersections where your shoulders meet your neck, passing through the car wrecks of ex-boyfriends who parallel parked on the dead ends. and I just hope your skin lends me an extra mile so I can slow down, take a while to admire the landscape, drape my arm over your being there. this time when it comes to your skin, I’m a drunk driver trying to walk a straight line.

I’ve been pulled over so much that your simple touch is enough to make me assume the position - wishing I could stay there, where your hand searches my body for contraband that could land me in the jail of your ribcage. because road rage is a sickness and my medicine is your skin. I could spend the rest of my life circling the same block, wondering where does the world hide its private stock of people like

Photo

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 02:24:10 -0400

I’m doing an analysis on Authors of literature for one of my majors at university and I found...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 23:59:57 -0400

I’m doing an analysis on Authors of literature for one of my majors at university and I found this really interesting quote in one of the texts I’m reading. It talks about the theory “Death of the Author”. This theory basically states that the author is absent from the text and it is our own judgement and observation that shapes the meaning of a novel or piece of literature. So often when I’m reading I often fall in love with the author and feel as if they understand me, or that him and I are on the same level of thinking. So it’s really interesting to think that perhaps what I believe the author to be saying is infact not his or hers intentions.

“Even if we were to go to a living author and ask what he or she meant by a particular text, all we would get would be another text (his or her answer), which would then, in turn, be open to interpretation. Just because it comes ‘from the horse’s mouth’ does not mean that the horse it telling the truth, or that the horse knows the truth, or indeed that what the horse has to say about the ‘words on the page’ is necessarily more interesting or illuminating than what anyone else might have to say. As anyone who has read an ‘interview with the author’ will know, the words you get from the horse’s mouth often tell us more about the horse than about the text we’re trying to read”

Taher and I have applied for an on-campus studio apartment and I’m absolutely thrilled. As we...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 22:30:00 -0400

Taher and I have applied for an on-campus studio apartment and I’m absolutely thrilled. As we laid in bed last night, I was so nostalgic about how far we’ve come in just under ten months. We’ve grown to love each other in ways that I couldn’t even have imagined to be possible. I know that we’re still so young and tender but I am so ready to take this step with him. The apartment is beautiful and spacious and it will be our home. It will be the place where we will face our biggest trials and tribulations only to have them resolved by making love on our living room floor. I’m afraid to leave my home of comfort, the home where my beautiful family resides, but I have to remind myself that I need to do this, not only for us, but for myself.

You are beautiful like demolition. Just the thought of you draws my knuckles white. I don’t need a...

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 18:59:23 -0400

You are beautiful like demolition. Just the thought of you draws my knuckles white. I don’t need a god. I have you and your beautiful mouth, your hands holding onto me, the nails leaving unfelt wounds, your hot breath on my neck. The taste of your saliva. The darkness is ours. The nights belong to us. Everything we do is secret. Nothing we do will ever be understood; we will be feared and kept well away from. It will be the stuff of legend, endless discussion and limitless inspiration for the brave of heart. It’s you and me in this room, on this floor. Beyond life, beyond morality. We are gleaming animals painted in moonlit sweat glow. Our eyes turn to jewels and everything we do is an example of spontaneous perfection. I have been waiting all my life to be with you. My heart slams against my ribs when I think of the slaughtered nights I spent all over the world waiting to feel your touch. The time I annihilated while I waited like a man doing a life sentence. Now you’re here and everything we touch explodes, bursts into bloom or burns to ash. History atomizes and negates itself with our every shared breath. I need you like life needs life. I want you bad like a natural disaster. You are all I see. You are the only one I want to know.

Henry Rollins

"I want to take back at least half of the “I love you”s, because I didn’t mean them as much as the..."

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 05:56:00 -0400

“I want to take back at least half of the “I love you”s, because I didn’t mean them as much as the other ones. I want to take back the book of artsy photos I gave you, because you didn’t get it and said it was hipster trash. I want to take back what I said about you being an emotional zombie. I want to take back the time I called you “honey” in front of your sister and you looked like I had just shown her pictures of us having sex. I want to take back the wineglass I broke when I was mad, because it was a nice wineglass and the argument would have ended anyway. I want to take back the time we had sex in a rent-a-car, not because I feel bad about the people who got in the car after us, but because it was massively uncomfortable. I want to take back the trust I had while you were away in Austin. I want to take back the time I said you were a genius, because I was being sarcastic and I should have just said you’d hurt my feelings. I want to take back the secrets I told you so I can decide now whether to tell them to you again. I want to take back the piece of me that lies in you, to see if I truly miss it. I want to take back at least half the “I love you”s, because it feels safer that way.””

- David Levithan - The Lover’s Dictionary

2204

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 05:34:40 -0400

I thought that if I were to self-distruct, I would become desirable again. Everybody knows that we only grow to appreciate things when they’re broken, gone or unattainable and I aimed to be all three. I couldn’t write for months, my mind starved of stimulation and ecstasy. My words became generic, much like the life I led. Recycled emotions, forced responses to keep the peace, an act so fake and put on that even Stevie Wonder could see right through me. I longed to feel again, to carry the burden of a broken heart, I needed to know that I was still human. You see, everybody thinks that being in love is a guaranteed lifetime of pure bliss, but you spend so much time with your head in the clouds that you forget how to find your way back down. So I created a storm so that the rain could take me home and as you whispered “…I’ll prove it to you”, the sky was clear again.